Yes!
All right.
Do you know where the rest of the gang are?
Not a clue.
This is precisely the sort of thing that no one ever believes.
Right, Berthold.
You go first.
Then Sally.
Careful.
Off you go.
That's it!
There's no more rope.
- Mind now. I'm going back up. - Wait a moment.
Here! Tie this to the end of it.
Where'd you get this?
I cut it from the top.
Naturally! Where else would I get it?
- But-- - Yes, yes!
Splice it to the ends so that we may continue our descent.
Very clever. Great.
Why didn't I think of that?
That's why he's a baron and I'm a prole.
We'll never rescue them now!
2 1/2% on the basic rate!
- That's not enough! - That's what I got to offer!
And a separate agreement for overtime!
Six percent!
2 1/2%! Take it or leave it!
Five percent or no increased production!
We want more!
I'm still in one piece!
- I think. - I can't imagine why.
Our descent, in what I take to be the volcano of Mount Etna...
should have been slowed by a rising cushion of warm air.
Damn thing seems to have gone out.
Oh, no! Not more giants!
Can I help you tiny mortals?
I sincerely hope so.
I'm Baron Munchausen.
You may have heard of me.
My friends and I are looking for three men:
One with exceptional eyesight.
One with superb hearing and powerful lungs.
One who is extremely large and strong.
We're all extremely large and strong here!
I am Vulcan, the god.
And these...
are my giant employees--
the cyclops--
who even now are going back to work!
Go slow!
I'm willing to supply arms and equipment to anyone prepared to pay the price!
Greeks, Trojans, Romans, Huns.
It's not my fault if they're crazy enough to slaughter each other!
You mankey crew!
You go-slowers don't impress me! I'm God.
I've got all the time in the universe! You hear that?
All the time! Me!
You know, in the old days...
the staff used to get paid on the dot every thousand years.
This lot expect them every century.
That is outrageous!
What's this?
This is our prototype.
RX Intercontinental...
Radar Sneaky...
Multiwarheaded Nuclear Missile.
- What does it do? - Do?
Kills the enemy.
- All the enemy? - Aye. All of them.
All their wives, children, sheep, cattle.
And all their cats and dogs.
All of them gone for good.
That's horrible!
Well, you see, the advantage is...
you don't have to see one single one of them die.
You just sit comfortably...
thousands of miles away from the battlefield...
and simply press the button.
Well, where's the fun in that?
We cater to all sorts here.
You'd be surprised.
Would you care for a little fodder, perhaps?
- Delicious! - It's not a bad drop of tea...
as far as nectar of the gods go.
You can stay as long as you like. It's nice to have company for tea.
Thank you. It'll be a pleasure.
I'm sorry, but we have to go soon.
We're in a hurry.
Here comes my midget manservant...
with the petit fours.
Albrecht!
- Berthold! What are you doing here? - Looking for you!
I haven't got the treasure anymore! I spent it!
I mean, I gave it all to charity.
I don't want the treasure.
Albrecht, this is Sally. Sally, Albrecht.
Hello.
I want you to help us fight the Turk again.
No. I couldn't do that.
Not since I found myself.
I never really wanted to be big and strong...
and lug heavy things about.
I now know I want to be dainty and sensitive.
They call me their midget down here. I love it. It's bliss.
He's gone funny.
Hello.
My darling.
My dearest.
Excuse me. May I introduce you to Baron Munchausen...
and his little friend over there-- Sally.
And Berthold.
This is Venus.
The goddess.
My wife.
Madam.
I am overwhelmed.
Oh, my love!
My life.
The alpha and the omega of my existence.
I've got something here for you.
A diamond.
For you, my precious.
You're so sweet. Another diamond.
Madam...
I am, alas, unable to offer you so splendid a gift.
But allow me to say that you excel in beauty...
even the magnificent Catherine the Great of Russia...
Here we go.
who's hand in marriage I once had the honor of declining.
- Baron, you flatter me. - Not one jot, madam.
Not one tittle.
What a handsome...
moustache.
Shall we dance?
Come and see the ballroom.
Nice, isn't it?
We've just had it done!
You know that?
I can dance.
Here. Watch this.
Sally, you can dance, can't you?
No.
Thanks a lot!
Stop!
Can we go now?
Hello!
Stop it! Come down!
We've got to get back!
We've got to get back and save the town!
Please, Baron!
Please!
Don't fret! The town is in no immediate danger.
The baron's kissing your wife.
What?
I mean-- What?
You're a harlot!
Whore! Did you hear? Whore!
That's enough of that! You stop it!
Wait. Please!
- But darling! - Don't you "darling" me!
Do something! Save him!
Darling, don't be jealous!
Jealous! I'm not jealous!
- Give him back to me! - Excuse me.
You never let me have any friends!
I won't have you wiggling at philanderers, you floozy!
- Sir, I must assure you-- - Floozy!
I am a goddess! I can do what I like!
And I am the god, so shut up!
- Excuse me-- - Put him down, you brute!
- Ungrateful mortal! - Please don't!
You'll pay for this!
- You hear me? - I insist that the lady is blameless.
Please! Put the baron down!
- Let's not be too hasty! - He's always like that!
- What have you done to them? - You small-minded, petty, bourgeoise--
Shut up, you trollop!
- What have you done to the baron? - You want the baron?
You can have the baron!
No, thanks. It's okay! I don't need him!
Did you enjoy that?
Did I...
excite you?
I can't swim!
What's happening? You've got old again.
What do you expect?
I've just been expelled from a state of bliss.
- It's all your fault! - Where are we?
Answer me!
The most probable explanation-- if you're not a sceptic--
is we've dropped through the center of the world and come out the other side...
somewhere in the South Seas.
That's miles away.
Oh! Well done.
- I was happy in my volcano. - So was I.
Look! An island!
- Is there a volcano in it? - Shut up about your poxy volcano!
I think there is a volcano on it.
It's moving!
I spy with my little eye...
something beginning with "M."
It's the demon of the deep!
That begins with "D," you klutz!
It's "M" for monster!
Will it eat us?
With any luck.
Baron!
Give me a hand.
He looks dead to me.
He can't be dead!
Go ahead.
Let's put him there.
He doesn't look very perky, does he?
Is there a doctor in the fish?
No doctors.
We've got to get him warm and dry.
What's that noise?
It's music.
That's not music.
Look!
There's a light.
Come on!
This way.
Careful.
Once I had a sweetheart
A sweetheart, once I had
She was the truest
Excuse me!
Hello!
We need some help.
Excuse me!
- We need some help. - No doctors.
Once I had a sweetheart
Do I hear the baron?
Eh?
Do I hear the baron?
No doctors.
Do I hear the baron?
I just said that!
Use your trumpet!
Adolphus! Gustavus!
Is it really you?
Baron! Berthold!
- Albrecht! - I don't believe it!
It's Berthold!
Sally, this is Adolphus, who used to be able to hit a bull's eye...
from halfway 'round the world.
And this is Gustavus...
who could blow over a whole forest with just one breath!
Those were the days! Aye?
When we were young and alive!
How do you mean?
It's no good fighting it.
- We're not dead! - You have to accept it.
We're all dead here. This is hell!
- Heaven. - Hell!
Heaven!
Don't be stupid.
Well, sit down. Relax. Have a game.
You're dead for a very long time.
Come on. Sit down.
Let's have a nice game.
What are you doing?
You're giving up, aren't you?
You can't give up! I won't let you!
Go away. Clear off.
What about Rose and Daisy and my father...
and all the others?
- You promised to help them! - They are perfectly safe.
They can look after themselves.
Besides, there are more important things.
Such as?
Well--
You horrible little brat!
Can't you let me die in peace once in a while?
Bucephalus!
My Bucephalus!
You must have heard me shouting.
This is a good omen, what?
Oh, yeah.
Prepare a rowing boat and be ready to leave.
Come on, boy.
I have learned from experience...
that a modicum of snuff can be most efficacious.
I'll never eat fish again.
Where's the baron?
Baron, where are you?
It's the baron!
Come on.
I can't keep this up forever!
Look! The town!
We're here!
Look!
The flag's still flying!
I told you there was nothing to worry about.
Fire!
Oh, my God!
It's the sultan's army!
Quick! Back in the fish!
They're inviting us to defeat them.
We must oblige them. On the count of three!
Gustavus! Blow them back to Asia Minor.
Adolphus, find the sultan and shoot him!
Albrecht, row for the shore!
Berthold, make yourself useful!
One, two, three!
Could you make that four?
We're going down!
Abandon ship!
I think the ship's abandoning us, mate!
Jump!
Attack!
I still can't swim.
- This is absolutely dreadful! - It's hopeless.
I've never before been in such a disastrous rout!
I'm usually on the winning side!
If you weren't so competitive, you wouldn't get so upset!
Albrecht's useless!
We might as well give up now.
You mustn't say that! Not you!
If we begin attacking in two directions simultaneously...
we confound surprise with confusion.
Albrecht and Gustavus will provide the major themes to the battle...
- while Adolphus and-- - Baron.
Don't interrupt. What is it?
This isn't going to work.
- What do you mean? - They're all old and tired now.
It isn't like it used to be.
Don't you see?
Where are you going?
- To give myself up. - What?
I gave my word I'd raze the siege and save the town.
I gathered you for that purpose.
If you want to see Baron Munchausen again...
you'd better do something about it.
You can't give yourself up!
They might kill you!
We'll have spent all that time in that smelly fish for nothing.
Well!
So it's agreed. Friday, the 28th...
you surrender-- that's three weeks from tomorrow.
We can fix the details later.
- No. You surrender. - We've been through all this.
- You surrender. - But we're winning.
- We surrendered last time. - So?
Now it's your turn.
Oh. What about the virgins?
Please. Forget the virgins.
We're out of virgins.
Let us, instead, concentrate on reaching a rational...
sensible, civilized agreement...
which will guarantee a world fit for science, progress and--
But not Baron Munchausen!
- You! You old lunatic! - I'm afraid so.
Help! Guards! Murder!
- Who let this man into my tent? - Sultan!
If you are still interested in my head, it's yours.
I'm tired of it.
Send for the executioner!
So, Mr. Jackson.
Still the rational man?
How many people have perished in your logical little war?
There are certain rules to the proper conduct of living.
We cannot fly to the moon. We cannot defy death.
We must face the facts.
Not the folly of fantasists like you who don't live in the real world...
and who consequently come to a very sticky end.
Have you any famous last words?
Not yet.
"Not yet"? Is that famous?
The man's a buffoon.
Executioner...
execute.
Now!
He did it!
Bring him back!
- Stop that man! - Hey!
I knew we could do it! All together now!
Steady!
Well blown, Gustavus!
- They're coming! - Go on!
Hurry! Quickly now!
Come on!
Berthold, run!
Damn it, man! Make yourself useful! I can't do everything!
- This way! - Careful!
That's the way.
Watch it!
Gently this time.
Gently.
Help!
We did it!
Hurray!
Look! They don't believe it!
We've won!
We beat them!
Yipee! Thank God!
- Good riddance! And don't come back! - We won!
But of course!
We won! Oh, the joy!
Get me down!
Oh, my goodness!
- In the church tower! - He's dying!
- There he is! - Shoot him!
Oh! Damn!
Bring a doctor! Quickly! Fetch a doctor!
Don't leave me, Baron. Please!
- Don't leave me! - Get off him! Give him some air!
- Here is a doctor. - Sally!
Take care of Sally.
No doctors.
- Get away! - Stop!
Leave him alone!
- She's having a fit! - Go away!
Stop it!
He's dead.
And that was only one of the many occasions where I met my death.
An experience which I don't hesitate strongly...
to recommend.
And so, with the help of my inestimable servants...
I defeated the Turks and saved the day.
And from that time forth...
everyone who had a talent for it...
lived happily ever after.
Stop this nonsense at once!
You, sir, are under arrest...
for spreading ridiculous tales at a time of great danger.
When the enemy is at the gate. Arrest him.
Open the gates.
I order you to arrest that man at once!
Am I or am I not the elected representative?
- Arrest him! - Open the gates!
This way!
Come on!
Do not open the gate!
The Turk is outside, and we are not about to surrender.
Open the gates!
Come on, dear ladies! Forward, the players!
Do not open the gate!
Keep up! Steady as you go.
Get back! I'm warning you! Do not open those gates!
- This way! - Anyone who opens those gates...
is guilty of treason!
Follow me!
This way, my friends!
The gates will remain closed.
Open the gates!
- Shoot anyone who disobeys my orders! - Ready!
Aim!
Hold your ground!
Open the gates, dear friends...
and let's seize the day!
Or close our minds up with inventions, death and fear.
There's nothing so destroys a man...
as ignorance and conformity!
Grasp for the mantle!
- Grasp the-- - No!
Quite wrong!
Open the gates!
Shoot them!
Shoot these people at once!
Aye! So! It's treason, is it?
Treason!
Right!
You're all under arrest! All of you!
This is all your fault!
Get inside my office now!
Cheers for the baron!
Hooray!
My Bucephalus.
Good boy.
Come on.
Beautiful ladies.
It wasn't just a story, was it?
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